Happy Birthday sounds totally ridiculous to me. I don’t know what words don’t sound totally ridiculous for me to utter today though. I ordered some balloons this morning. The kids wanted to send some to heaven and I wanted something to leave at your headstone. I asked for a masculine happy birthday something or other.…

Today was messy. Six months ago tonight, at about this time, I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. No one seemed as convinced as I was but I knew my instinct wasn’t wrong. My heart knew. My gut knew. This picture was taken less than 24 hours before your last breath. And it would be…

I have felt such a pull on my heart to raise awareness and talk more about mental health and suicide prevention since Teagan passed almost six months ago. I felt an urge very early on to share his story and talk so other people who were also struggling might have the courage and want to…

I failed him. I. Failed. Him. These words ring in my ears every single day. I think them. I hear them. I say them. I feel them. I know someone (or everyone) is going to feel all kinds of uncomfortable when they read that. Don’t just yet. Let me explain myself. Number one- I am…

I was 20. I was coming off of a couple really difficult years. I had been through a lot. Things that had happened to me and my own choices. I had sworn off guys, forever. I was never going to date again. I had my sweet little 4 year old boy, I was starting to…

I usually end a year with a lengthy list of new ideas, new goals, new things to try and of course the ongoing list of things I didn’t accomplish that I either toss out the window or add on to the the list for the New Year. I usually have a mixed sense of feeling…

I needed, or I thought what I needed was a breather. A break from my everyday environment and responsibilities and distractions. A place and opportunity to just be. So, I booked a weekend away and went. I spent the weekend alone. I had a fair amount of drive time and the rest I spent solo…

Things got messy. Just a few hours after I posted about being able to do this with, through and because of Jesus, I was informed that Teagan’s headstone had been installed. I didn’t lie. I’m still doing it, it just went to the messy and ugly kind of doing it in a pretty big hurry.…

Over the past few years I’ve changed my mind about how I feel about a few phrases that are often used. “Everything happens for a reason.” Nah- I actually don’t think everything has a specific reason for happening. We may find purpose or a reason in it, but I don’t think there’s a reason everything…

Today was the day. I touched the cup. I took it out of the cupboard, filled it with water, and I’m drinking from it. When we cleaned out Teagan’s apartment a few days after he passed, I was numb. Unrecognizably numb. I shed exactly zero tears as we packed his belongings into totes and boxes.…