Category: Uncategorized
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Being Teagan’s Mom
I have felt such a pull on my heart to raise awareness and talk more about mental health and suicide prevention since Teagan passed almost six months ago. I felt an urge very early on to share his story and talk so other people who were also struggling might have the courage and want to…
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I Failed Him
I failed him. I. Failed. Him. These words ring in my ears every single day. I think them. I hear them. I say them. I feel them. I know someone (or everyone) is going to feel all kinds of uncomfortable when they read that. Don’t just yet. Let me explain myself. Number one- I am…
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20 Years Later
I was 20. I was coming off of a couple really difficult years. I had been through a lot. Things that had happened to me and my own choices. I had sworn off guys, forever. I was never going to date again. I had my sweet little 4 year old boy, I was starting to…
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A New Year and Reflection
I usually end a year with a lengthy list of new ideas, new goals, new things to try and of course the ongoing list of things I didn’t accomplish that I either toss out the window or add on to the the list for the New Year. I usually have a mixed sense of feeling…
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A Little Breather
I needed, or I thought what I needed was a breather. A break from my everyday environment and responsibilities and distractions. A place and opportunity to just be. So, I booked a weekend away and went. I spent the weekend alone. I had a fair amount of drive time and the rest I spent solo…
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It’s Beautiful. It’s Messy.
Things got messy. Just a few hours after I posted about being able to do this with, through and because of Jesus, I was informed that Teagan’s headstone had been installed. I didn’t lie. I’m still doing it, it just went to the messy and ugly kind of doing it in a pretty big hurry.…
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God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle…Or Will He?
Over the past few years I’ve changed my mind about how I feel about a few phrases that are often used. “Everything happens for a reason.” Nah- I actually don’t think everything has a specific reason for happening. We may find purpose or a reason in it, but I don’t think there’s a reason everything…
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The cup
Today was the day. I touched the cup. I took it out of the cupboard, filled it with water, and I’m drinking from it. When we cleaned out Teagan’s apartment a few days after he passed, I was numb. Unrecognizably numb. I shed exactly zero tears as we packed his belongings into totes and boxes.…
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Gage, Teagan and Baby Kairee
Have you ever heard this quote? “Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary…
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Broken Heart…Month One
Today has been difficult to say the least. It’s the 6th. We’ve been without Teagan for a month now. It feels like eternity and can’t-possibly-be-real all at the same time. I’m no stranger to grief. It’s a cycle that really isn’t a cycle at all, but more like a seriously wicked roller coaster ride from…